What do you desire?
I used to be proud of the way I set goals. About 15 years ago, I was taught to make goals “SMART” - specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timely. This made sense in the context of work because we were steering the same ship and had to collaborate effectively. But over the years, I’ve realized that my work goals and even those I would set for myself personally, looked a lot like tasks. They often weren’t directly tied to ultimate desired outcomes and were mostly about getting sh*t done on time.
Goals themselves are the desired outcome or result of a person’s efforts. I’ve come to realize that what is most important about goals isn’t that they are measurable or necessarily realistic according to our current perception. It is that they are aligned with what we desire at our particular stage of life, and that they are built into routines. I’ve also been taught the power of emotion-based goals vs. behavior-based (which is not common practice). Let me explain.
When we sit down to create goals, do we start at 35,000 feet or at ground level? Most of us are on the ground. We see what’s in front of us, and we set realistic goals to accomplish things that need to be done to get us to where we want to go. Nothing is inherently wrong with this approach. Being realistic and making progress on things that have to be handled is great. What we need to be mindful of though, is whether these achievements bring us closer to where we are driving toward in life. Are they moving the needle closer to our dreams?
This is assuming we know what we want and where we are headed. If unsure about this, I suggest taking a step back to reflect on higher order desires.
As one of my mentors, Brendon Burchard, has outlined, there are four universal desires humans once we reach a level of safety and security in life. These are: Aliveness, Connection, Meaningful Pursuits, and Growth.
Reflect on these categories to identify what in your life, based on your own unique characteristics and interests, you yearn for at this time. The outcome of this reflection will reveal high-level goals for you to focus on this year.
“What everybody wants after safety, sustenance, and some success is aliveness.” - Brendon Burchard
Some examples from my own reflection at the onset of 2024 are:
deep relationships with my immediate family members
to optimize my health
to serve people that resonate with me
to strengthen our financial situation
to live with intention and peace
As you can see, these goals are higher order aspects of life that for me, will create happiness, peace, and a sense of fulfillment.
Once you have your higher order desires laid out, consider how you can structure your schedule (days, weeks, months, and year(s)) to incorporate activities that will bring you towards, or keep you at, having what you want.
For example, to deepen relationships with my immediate family, we can have dinner together 3-4 days a week, schedule a family outing once a month, and go on vacation at least once a year. To strengthen our financial situation, my husband and I signed up to a program this year and have meetings twice a month with a “wealth architect”.
Structuring our days this way gets us closer to what we truly want, faster. In some cases, getting into routines and creating habits may bring us directly to our desired goals. Otherwise, we need to be more specific.
Serving people is a great desire, but more clarity and specificity are needed to define this desire. How can I help and for what kind of people? Same goes for many health-related goals. What exactly do I need to work on at this time that will get me into a better state of wellbeing? This year, I am looking to improve my sleep and to not take as many random supplements. So, I got an Aura ring to track my sleep and I took a test, which has identified areas of improvement in my gut health, cellular and energy production, inflammation, immune system, etc.. The ring is helping me keep a regular sleep schedule and the microbiome test company has recommended food and supplements according to my exact needs. In fact, the supplements are manufactured just for me (hello bio-individuality)!
Ok, so that’s it on goals and routines - align with higher order desires and build structure to create habits that will get you to where you want to be fastest. Now, the underpinning of this viewpoint on goals, is a concept that is not widely discussed or adhered to in our society. This is, shifting focus to emotion rather than behavior.
Behavior is necessary for change. We need to act on our goals. However, our actions are the tip of the iceberg. Below the surface is our emotion. We typically do what we feel like doing ultimately, right? We think, feel, and then act (unless/ until it becomes a habit). When we set goals, it isn’t enough to focus on our behavior.
For example, the goal of going to the gym 5 days a week is great. But why would someone want to go to the gym 5 days a week? Let’s say, to get 6-pack abs. Ok and why would they want 6-pack abs? To be able to go to the beach and feel comfortable shirtless. Great! They want to feel comfortable around others. Anything else? Yes, and to feel healthy and strong. Bingo!!
There are different ways to make emotion-based goals. You can start at the heart and ask yourself how you want to feel this year, narrow in on what comes up most prominently, and write out your emotion-based goals directly. You can also look at behavior-based goals you already have (based on your higher order desires) and keep asking yourself why you want those things. Either way, understanding your desired emotions is important because they are your why. They will be your anchor when things get tough, or you find yourself distracted and astray.
Here are my goals, re-written with my desired emotion in mindG:
to feel deeply connected to my immediate family
to optimize my sleep and food/supplements, to feel energetic and strong
to coach and lead / positively influence people
to feel free from money concerns (gain economic freedom)
to live with intention and peace - this one didn’t change :)
Underneath behavior-based goals are emotions. Remember, after safety and security, we want to feel alive, connected, purposeful, and that we are growing.
So, what do you desire? Aim your goals in that direction and anchor them in how you want to feel.
To your best life. xo,
Laura
